Draft 1
It’s my future too.
In the last year Britain’s future was decided by the people,
more specifically people aged 18 and over. Leaving the future of the younger
generation in the hands of the nation, these decisions effect the lives of our
young people too and a very important topic to everyone and what we are all
wondering about is what about the NHS? I intend to find out how[VA1]
the young people feel about the prospect of a privatised health care system
that is dependent on the amount of money you have in your pocket.
As we faces the biggest shake up in British politics for
years and the future of our health system hangs in the balance and the young
adults of the country face the furthure[VA2]
privatisation of the NHS if the decision to leave the EU doesn’t go well.
If the NHS was run as a private institution it would be run
for a profit meaning you have to pay for medical treatment. In short if you
can’t pay you don’t get treated, like it is in America. I have been out and found
the opinions of the young people in Sheffield and the feelings of the prospect
of having the a privatised health care system and their opinion on the current
health care system. [VA3]
What they
think
“I don’t think a private healthcare system is fair on the
people who can’t afford it.” and “ I receive on going care from the NHS”
Frazer Mclean 2017- age 17 making the support that he receives from the NHS
invaluable to him and having a private NHS system would be very bad for him and
Frazer would have to without treatment if he can’t pay for it, which would have
detrimental effects of his health.
“The NHS is very important to me as I have hurt myself on
many occasions and it has always been there for me” this shows how much the
British public depend upon the NHS and without it people would be reluctant to
get treatment for injury or illness.
Out of all the people I asked not one of them said we should have a
privatised health care system “I hate it cause I wouldn't b[VA5] e
able to afford it.” One said[VA6] .
“They [A&E waiting times] are too long, more needs to
be done to reduce waiting times. In some cases, it could put people off going
to A&E even when they seriously need medical attention.”
“The NHS needs more funding. As I have a family member
who works for the NHS I understand just how understaffed they are. If more than
one person calls in sick then staff have to be brought in from other wards which
leads to the whole hospital being understaffed” How would you feel knowing
that a nurse that was intended to be on your family members ward was taken away
due to a staffing issue?
Feed back
[VA1]we found out
collective we as you are writing for a paper / brand and it
is the past tense
[VA3]So what exactly
do the young people of Sheffield think about ...
Change it to a rhetorical question as a journalist and linguistic
device
[VA7]Need to put
about any protests or campaigns to stop privatisation in the city as this is
the bias of the article.
Draft 2
It’s my future too.
In the last
year Britain’s future was decided by the people, more specifically people aged
18 and over. Leaving the future of the younger generation in the hands of the
nation, these decisions effect the lives of our young people too and a very
important topic to everyone and what we are all wondering about is what about
the NHS? We found out how[VA1] the young people feel about the
prospect of a privatised health care system that is dependent on the amount of
money you have in your pocket.
As we faces
the biggest shake up in British politics for years and the future of our health
system hangs in the balance and the young adults of the country face the
further privatisation of the NHS if the decision to leave the EU doesn’t go
well.
If the NHS
was run as a private institution it would be run for a profit meaning you have
to pay for medical treatment. In short if you can’t pay you don’t get treated,
like it is in America. So then do the young people in Sheffield think of the
healthcare system.
What they
think
“I don’t
think a private healthcare system is fair on the people who can’t afford it.” and “ I receive on going care from
the NHS” making the support that he receives from the NHS invaluable to him
and having a private NHS system would be very bad for him and Frazer would have
to without treatment if he can’t pay for it, which would have detrimental
effects of his health.
Luke Turton
2017 – age 17 said-
“The NHS
is very important to me as I have hurt myself on many occasions and it has
always been there for me” this shows how much the British public depend upon the NHS and without
it people would be reluctant to get treatment for injury or illness.
Out of all
the people we asked not one of them said we should have a privatised
health care system “I hate it cause I wouldn't b[VA3] e able to afford it.”
“They
[A&E waiting times] are too long, more needs to be done to reduce waiting
times. In some cases, it could put people off going to A&E even when they
seriously need medical attention.”
“The NHS
needs more funding. As I have a family member who works for the NHS I
understand just how understaffed they are. If more than one person calls in
sick then staff have to be brought in from other wards which leads to the whole
hospital being understaffed” How would you feel knowing that a nurse that was intended to
be on your family members ward was taken away due to a staffing issue?
Hitting back
On the 4th
March there were protests and marches all over the country against NHS cuts. In
an article by the BBC the number of protesters in London were unknown but
organisers say it was at racked up at least
“250,000” participants. To get
involved with marches like this and if you want to defend your health system
visit http://www.unitetheunion.org/
What can you
do?
As by now you
are well aware that A&E waiting times are two long and the funding is too
low. So we all need to take some responsibility and when we get hurt or sick
ask ourselves, do I really need to go to a hospital for this? We’ve all been
down to A&E sitting in the waiting room and seen them people who come in
with the most minor of injuries that could easily be treated at home. Although
hypochondria is a real condition that many suffer from, there isn’t always the
need to go to A&E, many problems can be fixed by visiting your local GP or
pharmacy or even with a well-stocked medicine cabinet. By going to A&E when
you are not supposed to you are costing time, money and resources to the NHS
and preventing other people with more serious injuries from being treated and
can in some cases prove fatal for those who needed urgently treating. And most
importantly just take care of yourself, last year alone doctors treated over half
a million cases of obesity and 524,725 people were referred to
specialists, just take a minuet to think abo[VA4] ut the
amount of money that this costs the NHS and is reducing the quality of care for
other patients just because so many people[VA5] couldn’t
stop stuffing their face.
Feed back
[VA1]we found out
collective we as you are writing for a paper / brand and it
is the past tense
[VA5]This
is not a positive or professional way to end the article - could you not change
the phrasing to 'people cannot control their eating habits' or 'get help sticking
to diets'??
Also this needs an outro - can you ensure you think
about how you could point people in the direction of support they may need or
how to get involved campaigning?
Final draft
It’s my future too.
In the last year Britain’s future was decided by the people,
more specifically people aged 18 and over. Leaving the future of the younger
generation in the hands of the nation, these decisions affect the lives of our
young people too and a very important topic to everyone and what we are all
wondering about is what about the NHS? We found out how[VA1] the young people feel about the
prospect of a privatised health care system that is dependent on the amount of
money you have in your pocket.
As we faces the biggest shake up in British politics for
years and the future of our health system hangs in the balance and the young
adults of the country face the further privatisation of the NHS if the decision
to leave the EU doesn’t go well.
If the NHS was run as a private institution it would be run
for a profit meaning you have to pay for medical treatment. In short if you
can’t pay you don’t get treated, like it is in America. So then do the young
people in Sheffield think of the healthcare system.
What
they think
“I don’t think a private healthcare system is fair on the
people who can’t afford it.” and “ I receive on going care from the NHS” making the support
that he receives from the NHS invaluable to him and having a private NHS system
would be very bad for him and Frazer would have to go without treatment if he
can’t pay for it, which would have detrimental effects of his health.
Chris Turton 2017 – age 17 said-
“The NHS is very important to me as I have hurt myself on
many occasions and it has always been there for me” this shows how much the British
public depend upon the NHS and without it people would be reluctant to get
treatment for injury or illness.
Out of all the people we asked not one of them
said we should have a privatised health care system “I hate it cause I
wouldn't b[VA3] e able to afford it.”
“They [A&E waiting times] are too long, more needs to be
done to reduce waiting times. In some cases, it could put people off going to
A&E even when they seriously need medical attention.”
“The NHS needs more funding. As I have a family member who
works for the NHS I understand just how understaffed they are. If more than one
person calls in sick then staff have to be brought in from other wards which
leads to the whole hospital being understaffed” How would you feel knowing that a
nurse that was intended to be on your family members ward was taken away due to
a staffing issue?
Hitting
back
On the 4th March there were protests and marches
all over the country against NHS cuts. In an article by the BBC [MF4] the number of protesters in London
were unknown but organisers say it was at racked up at least “250,000”
participants. To get involved with marches like this and if you want to
defend your health system visit http://www.unitetheunion.org/
What
can you do?
As by now you are well aware that A&E waiting times are
two long and the funding is too low. So we all need to take some responsibility
and when we get hurt or sick ask ourselves, do I really need to go to a
hospital for this? We’ve all been down to A&E sitting in the waiting room
and seen them people who come in with the most minor of injuries that could easily
be treated at home. Although hypochondria is a real condition that many suffer
from, there isn’t always the need to go to A&E, many problems can be fixed
by visiting your local GP or pharmacy or even with a well-stocked medicine
cabinet. By going to A&E when you are not supposed to you are costing time,
money and resources to the NHS and preventing other people with more serious
injuries from being treated and can in some cases prove fatal for those who
needed urgently treating. And most importantly just take care of yourself, last
year alone doctors treated over half a million cases of obesity [MF5] and 524,725 people
were referred to specialists, just take a moment to think abo[VA6] ut the
amount of money that this costs and how the NHS and is reducing the quality of
care for other patients because people couldn’t control their eating habits for
the sake of others. If you have any concerns or are unsure on what to do please
visit http://www.nhs.uk/pages/home.aspx to get help
and advice.
No comments:
Post a Comment